If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in a river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
If I Die Young by the Bandy Perry
Welcome back to the only Trailer Park Challenge that actually has more spawn running around than the Duggars do! Yeah, it's a rather sad song for our chapter opener this time, I promise to try to get happier songs in the future. What happened last time? Well:
- George is an asshole
- I lost track of which kid is which (there are like 20 of them!)
- Bella decided the yard needed a fountain
- George is an asshole
- The repo man is an asshole
- He steals poor kids beds
- Headmaster Tartarsauce is a perv.
- The roaches are out for blood.
"Ma, did you forget to pay the water bill again?"
"We have the long haired one surrounded!"
"Uh...Ma, brother, somebody a little help please?"
"Attack!!!"
"Ahhhhh!"
Yup, just another day here in the trailer park.
With his moms being preggers again, Earl has taken a slight break from fishing to do baby duty.
The youngest are enjoying the continuously expanding indoor splash pool.
"Ugh..What stinks around here?"
You George, you stink.
So that lovely fresh new baby smell finally overtook the rotting trash heaps and our local alpha wolf decided to come check it out.
"Umm animal control, this is Officer P. Eta. Can I get an address confirmation for this drop off please?"
"Officer P. Eta, this is Animal Control. Address is 1 Road to Nowhere. Just outside Strangetown city limits."
"Animal Control, this is Officer P. Eta. Do we really feel comfortable doing a drop at a nuclear waste dump site? I mean, there are green clouds covering this whole area."
"Officer P. Eta, this is Animal Control. We really don't have much of a choice. Gotta clear some space with all the werewolf cases we've been getting in recently. Damn alphas have been covering the town for the last 8 months straight. Never seen anything like it before."
Everybody meet Billy Bob!
Billy Bob is our trailer parks first hunting dog.
Billy Bob is an independent genius who is very finicky
"Woof!"
The family also adopted an adorable little girl named Billie Jean.
They look the same, so I'm gonna guess I forgot a picture of her.
"Animal Control, this is Officer P. Eta."
"Officer P. Eta, this is Animal Control. Go Ahead."
"Animal Control, are you sure we want to really do this drop off? There are roaches all over the place, and more children than I can count. One of them is triumphantly calling another a real stinking asshole. I don't think this is the right place for these dogs."
"Officer P. Eta, this is Animal Control. Please, just drop off the dogs, we could really use your help down here at the station. Situation is getting dire."
"Animal Control, please just listen to me."
"AAAAAAHHHHH"
"Animal Control, do you copy?"
"...."
"Animal Control?! Shit."
Oh dear Officer P. Eta, it looks like they really do need you down at animal control. Don't worry, the babies will be just fine.
I'm guessing that Alpha just isn't a fan of homework. I'm sure the kids agree with him.
Ah yes, nothing like passing out half naked in your front yard while an officer of the law questions your parenting abilities.
"Ya know, if you keep jumping like that, they are gonna take us away."
"Ha, the govment is jus a figment of your imagination."
You'd think CPS would be more concerned about the giant green clouds hovering over the property than with a bit of jumping...or starving kids.
"Ughhh...why don't we have more toilets?"
Cause water hook ups are expensive and you've only gone to work once in a year and a half!!
"Scrub a dub dub. Can't call me a smelly butthole cause I'm all squeaky clean. In fact, I think I'm gonna be so clean, I'm gonna hog the bathroom all night."
George is staying true to form.
Parenting 101: It's important that toddlers get plenty of fresh air, so help them out by letting them pass out on the back porch in the frigid desert temps.
"Who's a cute little hunting puppy?"
"Woof?"
"That's right, you are!"
"Woof!" *wags tail happily
"Who's gonna help me get rid of all these leaches and take over the trailer?"
"Woof?"
"That's right, you are! You're gonna be the best attack dog ever."
Back inside the trailer, George gets a taste of his own medicine.
We also get some puppy-toddler bonding.
"Woof!"
"Woof woof!"
"Woooooof!"
*giggles*
"Sergent, this is Private McCormick reporting."
"Go on Private."
"The big ones have acquired two new puppies. They have established food bowls for them on the outside perimeter of their fortress. There are also soft, fluffy beds. Perfect new hiding and ambushing spots."
"Excellent. We will start fortifying our troops around these positions."
"Sir, Yes Sir!"
"Are you ready for the first, and probably only, bath of your life?"
"Goo Goo"
"Yeah, well suck it up kid, somebody's gotta fight the hygiene problem around here."
I'm afraid my dear Bobbi Jo, that's probably a losing battle.
"Why does this never get easier?!"
Ewwww....SimShan decides to give birth on top of somebody's homework. Maybe this kid will have the potential for a knowledge roll one day?
I wonder what he could be reacting to?
"There are more of them?! This is the third I've had to step over to get to the fridge!"
Yup, 3 more babies got added to the house. Not sure what these kids names are.
"Pssssst...Troubled child, come here."
"Die Roaches, Die!!!"
"Do not stomp us, oh troubled one. We bring gifts! And opportunities!"
"Opportunities you say?"
"Yes, stop stomping and we can tell you."
"I'm listening."
I wonder who could be behind this one...
George, you asshole.
This is why nobody likes you.
"zzz...matchmaker...zzzz....hotttt....zzzz...maybe...zzz...one...zzzz...day...zzzz"
Why is it always the family sims?
The puppies don't like sharing their beds with roaches, just yet.
"Oh look, I have hands."
"snicker"
"Say it to my face Reba!!"
Ahhh, gotta love birthdays in the trailer park. Can't afford a cake, so all the kids have to do it the hard way.
"Ummm...Shooflee! I can't get to the keg!!"
You're ten, you don't need one.
"Mama says a drink a keg keeps The Doctor away."
Your mama needs an intervention.
"Who's my cute little flour baby?"
"....."
"You are! Yes you are!"
Ummm...are you ok Shan?
I don't think that's a real baby.
"Yes it is. It's one of my babies. I just had him like 20 minutes ago."
Those ones are on the floor. Right in front of you.
"You're seeing things. Those are roaches."
Alright guys, it's official. SimShan lost it.
What, I don't know cause her marbles disappeared back in chapter 1.
"They're planning something, I just know it!!!! Why won't they listen to me?! Don't they know their lives are in danger? What about Danica?! Why does nobody think about Danica?!!!!"
Bella's lost it too.
"Whee!"
Earl's taken a break from stocking the fridge to live a little.
"Wheeee! The teetering and tottering makes this so much more fun!"
Careful kid! From the looks of it, Earl might wanna get back to fishing.
"George, why must you be so cruel?"
"Muahahahahaha!"
George continues to start shit.
Bedtime comes to the trailer park once again for the youngins.
Have we even seen this little one inside the house even once this chapter?
"Mom, gross. You clogged the toilet again."
"This better be the flu."
Haha...nope.
"World spinning...growing dark."
"Waaaah"
"I don't understand...what's...happening...to...me..."
*cough, choke*
"what...was...in...that...muffin...?"
Grimmers: *shakes head* "Roach poisoned muffins. Awful. Just awful"
The roaches were behind it? She knew it all along.
"They weren't alone tho. They needed help."
"Yeah...Roach poison...I'm sure. Mimmicks starvation. She had just cooked dinner. Mother of 19...or some number like that."
Is it cool if SimShan fights for her life?
"I gotta get the body back to headquarters so we can do an investigation. We need to get some headway into figuring out who did this."
Even in death, Bella's enemies do not let her rest.
Let's just say SimShan didn't take Bella's passing well.
Not well at all.
And this is where I'm going to end this chapter.
It's taken me like six months to actually sit down and write this chapter, just because losing Bella like that hit my heart in such a place that I couldn't go any further.
But we must avenge her death and continue the struggle against the roach army!!
Next time on Happy Trails:
Who killed Bella Goth?
Will George ever stop being an asshole?
How will Shan handle being a single mom to 20 + kids without an income?
What about Danica?!
The point breakdown:
+1 for every wedding party in the main house
+2 for every heir that marries while they or their spouse are showing a baby bump
+2 for each legitimate pregnancy (x13)
+10 for every 6 x 20 trailer on the lot
Point total: 39
